duncansladder:

Oh look I got cheated on again

I’m not even angry anymore. This has officially become something that just sort of happens

BUT WE WILL GROW PAST THIS AND PLEDGE TO STAY RAD

BECAUSE THAT’S HOW WE DO

Just had to have the significance of Oct. 3rd explained to me

Literally facepalmed and groaned

Why does an Instagram picture of logs or something have upwards of 10,000 notes but a shot from the curiosity rover
ACTUAL PHOTOS ON THE SURFACE OF FUCKING MARS
A WHOLE OTHER PLANET
have only like 600 notes
I try to see the good in people but when you do stuff like this I just want to lie down and decompose

Why is there no water-flavoured candy?

Walked home from work and picked up almost all the trash that you fucking highschoolers left on the sidewalk.

I hate that I’m the one who sold some of that stuff to you because it makes me feel semi-responsible for your bullshit behaviour.

At what point do you think “Oh yeah, I’m just gonna dump this wherever because someone else will clean it up”

Fuck you, kids.

I’ve left mario party just sitting on the title screen and I think the music is boring its way into my braini;hlksuafylnec;fhlmjsgalj/dgm.bga’piwc’p;f ;’krfmzm/

*head collapses forward and coincidentally hits “create post”*

How I want to spend valentines day:

with a nice girl

How it will actually go:

very drunk and very alone in basement, very involved in mario party, simultaneously hitting on and cursing out peach for stealing my star and not putting out.

Why can’t I find my fucking toothbrush

WHO IN THIS HOUSE IS USING MY GODDAMN TOOTHBRUSH

ALSO WHY

oh well. I guess I’ll resort to my travel tooth brush.

it’s awesome because reasons

(Source: thelovelytucan)

sex with hulk hogan must be so weird

would he refer to it as “the little hulkster”?

This is one of those moments where I’m just so stoked on life for literally no reason I feel like punching Kim Kardashian in her big wookie face and skipping through a fucking field or something god dammit

Re: Christmas Dinner

I’m producing farts that are actually Physically crippling.